Path: typhoon.kc.rr.com!cyclone2.kc.rr.com!news2.kc.rr.com!cyclone.kc.rr.com!news.kc.rr.com!news-west.rr.com!newsfeed2.earthlink.net!newsfeed.earthlink.net!netnews.com!newsfeed.stanford.edu!postnews1.google.com!not-for-mail From: [address redacted] (Sibe 0wns J00) Newsgroups: alt.fan.furry Subject: Fur: Sibes last words Date: 12 Nov 2001 18:46:10 -0800 Organization: http://groups.google.com/ Lines: 89 Message-ID: NNTP-Posting-Host: 65.4.201.247 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit X-Trace: posting.google.com 1005619570 22995 127.0.0.1 (13 Nov 2001 02:46:10 GMT) X-Complaints-To: [address redacted] NNTP-Posting-Date: 13 Nov 2001 02:46:10 GMT Xref: cyclone2.kc.rr.com alt.fan.furry:97994 Well Ive had it put on the line for me, my boyfriend didnt want to be dragged into this in the first place. Hes the best thing I have going in my life right now, and I would rather do what he says then lose him. Initally when I posted the pubs , he told me to never do anything like that again. So I went behind his back and did other stuff, and by the time he had the chance to stop me... nexxus pulled furnation and was pulling every string he could to get me on the hitlist of every body he could. I dont expect to be treated well by anyone, but I can tell you furs what to expect from Sibes future. I kinda thought the way I was goin, the only way I could make a name for myself in the fandom was to have a "bad boy" image. It was cool and everything on yiffnet and all, but I did go too far on this one. Pretty much the relationships, meager as they were had dissolved in the fandom. Anything meaningful got replaced by where are the files in my email... I guess thats what I wanted initially... But Its hurting more then me, its hurting my boyfriend. A lot of furs would think that is great, but please understand he had nothing to do with this. He found out after nexxus had totally shut down furnation and there was a hunt out to see who I really was and to do something about it. Weather or not what I did was what I thought was good for the fandom or not, it truly in the end turned out to be a bad thing. I had this idea that I would start up a napster like thing and some artists would say how cool that was n such... well nothing like that happened. I really kinda hit a low today, realizing what Ive done and knowing that I cant really undo it. I dont care about winning, or one upping someone else who has hurt me or anything like that. If I get it in the end, I probably deserved it. Im a pretty messed up individual in the head, a good furiend of mine was in my car when I nearly killed myself... managed to hit my head pretty hard. Its messed up my moods a lot, and I need to get help. I dont feel it will excuse my actions at all, however maybe it will explain them. Im going to try to get away from irc, newsgroups, all that stuff and just focus on getting my life back togeather. Im really sorry to have bothered you people. In doing this I know it will make those that stood by me through this mess not talk to me anymore, and to those people I say this... Please understand that I want nothing but success for my boyfriend... and the things that I do need to be based on that if I want to continue my relationship with him, or have anykind of longlasting relationship with anyone else. I have been selfish. To those that called me up on the phone, and those artists that have said things about me I hope it is some consolation that I plan on not using Sibe as anymore of a part of me. I hurt the artist that I love a lot, and now that I have fully come to the realization of what harm I have done, I empathize. Please understand that initially I was too selfish to see the reprucussions of my actions on those that I love, now I understand how you artists... and the lovers of you artists feel. Ive been lucky, Ive had a lot of furry artists draw my character for free... doing a lot of fun things. To you, I feel like a traitor, just as I do to my boyfriend. To those furs who seemed to see something better inside of me then what I showed to the fandom, thanks... Im gonna try to bring that part more twords the forefront. I know that Im not a bad guy, I just have done some bad things. Ive argued the point about stuff that dosent make sence just because I felt I had to be right. I dont know If Ill ever get better, or even If Ill follow through and not do this stuff... But I know in my heart that I wanted to be a husky dog that was outgoing and playful, but ended up not showing that to the world. I dunno... Im kinda to the point of rambling now so Im gonna say goodbye and know that when I do get money again Ill try to put more back into the fandom. Im a pretty fucked up individual psycologically Ill admit, and Im gonna get some help with that. Maybe after some therapy Ill come out a better person, or at least understand why I try to make so much pain for myself all the time and push all my furiends away. Heh.. ya know the last time I actually cried when posting some internet stuff was back in 98 when I broke up with EbonFox before I went out to see another fur in minneapolis. I know how much of a dissappointment I was to him, now I fear I have done that to many many many others that I cant even relate to right now. Im gonna take responsibility for what happened, and if I need to get my ass kicked or whatever that takes then thats ok with me. Honestly, Im doing a better job at kicking my own ass then any of you furs who are threating me could ever have... Sincerely, Ross Reddick